Ugh.., not a good start.

I’m dancing around 120 these days/(WEEKS!?). I do so desperatly wanna go down to 118.

I couldn’t sleep yesterday. Felt really hungry after only 300-400 calories that day and gave up and binged on cereal.

Then I had a protein shake and went bloated to bed.

Hope that’s the only reason I was so heavy this morning.

Not happening again tonight!!

Need to do presentation tomorrow in school. I pretend that I like it. Hate how anxious I always get, even thoug I’ve been doing this a lot.

Need also to pretend I like going to gym.

I was used to like it, dno what happened there.

…

now, it’s nap time.

This morning, 120.0 so it will be my starting weight.

I’m trying to calm down after a huuuge panic! I almost facebook-liked my own Xanga blog!

Wow….don’t Want think of the consequences! Think that’s becoming my biggest fear now!

Think I’m gonna make sure I’m logged out everytime before I get in here for now!

I was shopping online today and ordered bikinis from victoriassecret.

It takes 3 weeks to come and I’m so excited!

I managed to eat only 340 cals today so far (8:38 pm)

Last night I only slept for 5 hours and I was SO TIRED in school.

Now… watch Gossip Girl before sleep and not study. Just relax and go to sleep early!

…with no food in my stomach….

Me and a girl here on xanga are going to compete!

Who can loose more in a moth

This is me.

This afternoon.

120.8 lbs

I have been screwing up all wekend. Binging and purging and lost track of last week success.

Well. It’s over now.

I’m strong again and now I’m gonna cut myself down to 118 as soon as possible !

Right now I weighted myself and I was 120.1 after the salty food/bread yesterday and alcohol and lots of sugar on friday.

So I know I tecnically haven’t screwed that much up. I can do this in this week, right!?!

Woke up this morning and it was raining and the snow was gone! My car is then hopefully not going to get stuck in snow mountain again, LOL !

Food plan:

(12:10pm)Carrot& apple juice  150 cals

(2:40pm) 20 almonds : 119 cals

(4:00pm) broccoli&beans 140 cals

(6:52pm) nupo diet shake 112 cals

(9:25pm) egg whites 94 cals

total: 621 cals

The scale said 119.7 this morning. Then I stepped again and it showed 119.5 !!

Started my perioid yesterday.

Hope I will be lower tomorrow. Just a little, I deserve it.

My weight is going so slowly down right now, I need to keep my intake around 1000 or more to have energy to study.

total intake 1185 calories today

I promesed myself to buy shoes when I’m 118 !!! Need to focus on that.

My intake is going up.

Next week is gonna be awful school-wise.

Hope I can focus more on my eating habits.

Need to be stronger! Not to give up when hungry and eat crap.

Well…

Decided to have a cheat day!

First cheat day In 2012

Thought I could handle it.

but….

Bought chocolate, hard candy, gummy bears and started eating it…. then I didn’t even like it and craved Nachos so bad! And Because It’s my cheating day, my ONLY opportunity I went and bought Doritos and dips (HOT SALSA)!!

Now I’m bloated and I know I can’t keep it in :/

This is horrible.

My throat is gonna burn!

Didn’t step on my scale today.

Next goal is getting under 119lbs!!!

I know I’m strong, in control and I can do this!

challenge points today: 5

Going down a little

But screwed up in the end of the day.

Binged on bread and cereal (7:00 pm)

Total was 1427 cal !!  >.<

Now I’m bloated and probably will be all day tomorrow.

Took laxatives. Stupid! Hope they don’t start to work in middle of my class tomorrow!

Challenge points:

monday:12pts

tuesday:62pts

today:7pts

I took a nap… for 3 hours.

I guess I just needed some sleep.

Test tomorrow. Hope I can sleep tonight:/

Intake

yogurt: 107

Carrot & apple juice: 98

egg white: 78